While the distillery has always been a community gathering place, it wasn’t originally branded as a “queer bar.” Concerned about rainbow capitalism-the commercialization and commodification of LGBTQ movements-Gunnels and Tilley shied away from declaring DV8 as a queer space until last year. With sex-positive, kink-themed events sprinkled throughout its calendar-think: glow paint dance parties and circus shows-some nights lean more toward the risqué than others.
As the distillery’s product line of rice-based bourbons, gin, and vodkas grows, so does the business’s mission to generate a safe, inclusive atmosphere where “community can flourish without judgement,” according to Tilley. No problem there, but one needs to be honest with oneself about his true needs and wants and do the (hard) work of freeing oneself from societal and family pressures.When Rawley Gunnels and Johnathan Tilley founded Boulder’s DV8 Distilling in 2016, they set out to craft crave-worthy gluten-free spirits and carve out a space for the neighborhood. There are things many men have to give up to be in a couple. Many single gay men are happy, valuing their autonomy and personal freedom (like the muscled bad boy described above). Not everyone needs to be in a couple nor should be. Unfortunately, along with legal marriage comes the risk of inheriting straight society’s “couple-centrism,” which is the idea that being single is wrong, sad, and a sign of psychological problems that need to be “fixed.” This is just plain wrong. This can all translate into feelings of pressure to couple up. Where it’s legal, same- sex couples are getting married in droves, and some gay weddings are so theatrical and over the top that they can actually be intimidating. Contrary to heterosexual fears, legal gay marriage has given the institution an enormous boost in importance. For sure, the pendulum has swung far in the other direction. Nonmonogamy was a political statement, and gay rights advocates saw marriage as constrictive, patriarchal, heterocentric, flawed (perhaps due to the 50% failure rate) and therefore not worthy of pursuit, especially in light of how gay men of the era were still getting ejected from their jobs, homes, families and blackmailed and arrested for who they were. In the old days, when I was coming out, being gay had more of an outlaw quality. Is he really the one for you? Or how about the guy who gives you the chase, sending hopelessly mixed signals that are impossible to understand, such as ignoring you for periods of time alternating with romantic texting-leaving you wondering "does he or doesn’t he?" Isn’t this a dead end? (Answer: Yes, honey, it is.) (They always seem to ooze masculinity, don’t they?) But if you need sharing communication and emotional reassurance, you may find that the mysterious brooder is actually an unresponsive “cold fish” after a few months. That muscled, tattooed bad boy is hotter than hell, and great in bed, but is he showing any sign that he is ready to settle down? You seek a man who wants a monogamous relationship, but do you really think you'll find him on Manhunt, Grindr or Scruff? (Trust me, these prowling tigers do not change their stripes once they are hitched.) Perhaps you have a bit of a fetish for the strong silent type. However, feeling subconsciously unlovable or unworthy can again rear its head here through your choices. Right is like looking for a needle in a gaystack. For sure, so much of the gay male world is way too focused on looks, youth, the gym, partying, and fast hookups so searching for Mr. Remember, you are looking for a life mate that glass slipper is hardly one-size-fits-all, and very few men will qualify. No doubt, finding the right partner is not easy. "It is impossible to meet the right guy." Another way feeling unlovable manifests is in the choice of partner.